Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Super Absorbency

You know how some people have those faces? The face that always looks familiar. I have one of those. People are always coming up to me asking me where they met me, how we know each other, did we go to school together? Yes, I find this annoying. I don't know half the folks that ask me that. The other half I just pretend not to recognize.
But you know what I don't have?
A face that says "I'm Your Emotional Tampon"
People are often fooled into thinking that I care. They think the big eyes and slight upturn of my lips indicate a genuine interest in what they're saying. Yeaaahhhhh...not so much. It's not that I don't care about people. I do. I care about my friends, and family, and one of my coworkers. But the general population's feelings on various topics such as global warming and the suspicious chili from the hot dog vendor on the corner don't really top my list of things to worry about. I don't have hours to spend discussing my boss's wife's new diet and her decision to eat whole wheat even though it's not included on the list of approved food items. I do not enjoy being caught in a lengthy description of old people sex by the crazy clients that come in my office. And I LOATHE having to listen to long ass stories being told by random strangers who see me on the street and think to themselves "Oh, there's a nice looking girl. Maybe she'll listen to me."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "Free Therapy?"
Do I look like the type of person who gives out free legal advice even though she's obviously too young to have gone to law school?
Do I seem like the kind of girl who goes to coffee shops and bookstores to pick up men?
NO!!! I do not. I don't wear signs around my neck as part of my religion. I practice not looking like a billboard, services are held Wednesdays and Fridays at 7 pm. I'm 20 years old, and as far as I know, the Supreme Court is not in the practice of forgoing the bar exam(let alone law school) simply because you work in a law firm. I don't do my hair and I don't put on makeup before leaving the house unless I plan to be around someone that I'm already attracted to, so chances are, if you see me out in public on my own, I don't want to talk to you.
There are appropriate people to discuss personal and difficult situations with. I am not one of them unless I am your friend or relative. I am not here to make you feel better about yourself. I am not here to tell you that you're right. I am not here to condone you behaving like a yahoo.
This is not to say that I don't enjoy conversations with strangers. I do, very much so. Talking to perfect strangers is how I've made some of my best friends. What I don't enjoy is someone who I don't know or like, that I don't meet at a party or other event thrown for the purpose of getting people together, taking up my valuable time. I have places to go and things to do. I've got deadlines and Grey's Anatomy to watch.
Hey, when you're done reading this, I have a great story about this guy I knew in High School who did this amazing thing with a jar of mayonnaise and a water buffalo...and I wanna tell you ALL ABOUT IT!


  1. Lawyer, my little brown ass. If you took this stuff, condensed it and polished it up a bit, you'd have a good stand-up comedy routine.

  2. Indeed, I think people have imagine a "tell me your problems" sign on my neck.I love talking to new and wonderful people but,I don't need to know your entire life's story in the first conversation we have ever had. sometimes without even knowing there name.And when you mention water buffalo and mayo jar the things that pop in my head are sickening.

  3. You need to throw in a story or too. Readers love graphic regaling of old people sex or random people in the street talking to you. Random strangers don't have conversations with me, so I find that interesting and somewhat disturbing. It could be because I look pissed off unless I'm smiling (which is not far from the truth) but thats neither here nor there.