Wednesday, October 31, 2012

How Light-Up Sneakers Came To Define My Best Childhood Memory

Happy All Hallows Eve to you my frightening little Bloggies!

I hope this year finds you with many a treat and just a few tricks. I decided that in the interest of building our relationship, I would share with you one of my fondest memories from my childhood, and then we can get on with the tales from the crazy people.

When I was just a little girl, my Grandparents had this house (which at the time seemed huge to me because I was so small) on a large piece of land here in Northeast Florida, that was filled with pine trees and twisty paths. Since both my Mom and my Aunt Julie were single working parents, they would often drop me, Josh, Brandon and Zach off with Nan and Pops so that they could go to work or finally just enjoy a night of silence without us (thanks MOM....just kidding, you are amazing :)).

Us kiddies always found something to get into on our own, whether it be go-kart riding, or hole digging ( another story altogether), or tree climbing, the possibilities were endless with a piece of land like that and four young imaginations at work. But sometimes, Nan and Pops would get out there with us to make sure we weren't killing each other and also to enjoy some fun time with the lights of their lives!

On one such night, I'm not sure whose idea it was, but someone suggested a game of hide and go seek in the dark! It may have been Halloween night, but I can't guarantee that fact. So, Pops, being Pops, brought out all 100 of his flashlights and passed them out, and it was boys against girls. I should note that the Moms were there, and so were my Aunt Sally and perhaps my other two boy cousins. There were a lot of us, that's all I know. And the games began! But I, for the life of me, could not figure out why everyone kept finding me so easily!

Then my cousin Josh lovingly pointed it out to me, "It's because you're wearing sneakers with lights in them, DUH!"

Thanks Josh!

So, I ran inside, changed my sneakers, and continued in the fun. It is one of my favorite memories because the whole family was together, playing a game that didn't require a board or pieces or any kind of outside stuff other than each other. I can still remember the laughs and the screams and the fun marshmallow toasting after we all came back inside and turned on the lights.

So, thank you family. And especially to Josh, who to this day would let me know if I were wearing light-up sneakers.

Story #2:

Ok, so now that we have the mushy stuff out of the way, let me give you a good fright with this tale of Target and the stripper costumes.

I was in Target a week or so ago just looking around for some general household items when I decided to go peruse the Halloween section and see if they had anything that I could not live without. They did not, but while I was there, this was the scene I witnessed.

A Mother, with her 7-8 year old daughter, looking at costumes in the childrens' section. The child picks up a costume of a butterfly, and the Mother picks up a costume of some indistinguishable variety that most certainly looks like a stripper. This conversation unfolds:

Child: Mom! Look! It's a butterfly, I want to be a butterfly!

Mom: That's nice, but wouldn't you rather be *insert whatever the thing was here*?

Child: Nooooooo, I want to be a butterfly so I can have wings.

Mom: We can put wings on this.

Child: OK!

WHAT??!! WHY??!!

Why do you want your child to look like a stripper?? Literally, this costume had knee high fishnets, a corset top and some kind of headpiece. That was the costume! And it was very clearly made for a CHILD! Why, when your child wants to be an innocent butterfly, would you not allow her to just be an innocent butterfly???

There are only two reasons I could come up with:

1. The Mom is planning to be a sluttier version of herself for Halloween and doesn't want to be the only one dressed like a pole-dancer, and so rather than own her stripper-ness she is forcing her daughter to join in.


2. The Mother, in some misguided attempt at being "cool" decides that she knows what's best for little girl and makes the executive decision that little girl will be happier in the long-run with the stripper costume.

Because that's what all girls want in life, to be able to look at their childhood photo albums and think, "My Mom was so right, it was definitely better to go with the fishnets than a costume that covered me up but still looked awesome!"

I'm sorry, but when I was younger, and by that I mean until I was 18, I was never allowed out of the house in anything that even slightly resembled a slutty outfit. It may have been drastic, but I once tried to wear actual fishnets to a party with a skirt, and I got the life speech from my Mom.

The life speeches were my Mom's version of spankings. She didn't believe in hitting, so instead she chose long, torturous speeches about how making bad choices can lead to, pretty much always, death.

They went something like this:

"Oh, I see you are wearing (insert anything less than a parka and overalls here). That's fine. I guess the fact that your Father pays for you to go a nice private school and I specifically bought this house in this neighborhood so that you would not be subjected to metal detectors and gun-control in SCHOOL means nothing to you. Do you know what happens when girls dress like that? Teen pregnancy, drugs, death. Those are the choices. Do those choices sound appealing to you? Or would you rather enjoy a wonderful education, and then college so you can get a decent job and someday marry a nice boy? And by the way, you don't actually get a choice. You're going to college. Now go change."

But the joke was on her! College, college, college. A whole SEVEN YEARS of it. So long that she actually considered I might never graduate. HA!

But really, that's more like five life speeches cherry picked for the most severe parts and all crammed together. The real life speeches lasted like 45 minutes and included all kinds of scary possibilities of what would happen if I did not make good grades, dress like a lady, and go to college. Those were pretty much my Mom's three biggest things. But you get the idea.

Long story longer, I just could not believe what I was seeing in the costume aisle of Target. I wanted to run up and tell the Mother, "No! Let her be the bug, you horrible person!"

Is it just me? Is this the new thing? Brian and I see kids these days dressed like little hookers, and we always say the same thing, "We will never let our kids do that." Because we both agree that parenting is not a popularity contest. If your kids like you, you're doing something wrong. Parenthood should be an 18 year project of getting your kids to not like any of the choices you are making for them, because those choices are not the easy or fun ones, but rather the ones that you choose because they give your kid the best shot at having a better life than you did.

I can remember car rides with my Mother in which I would climb into the backseat just to show her that I would NOT talk to her, or crying and telling her she was ruining my life for not letting me go to a party where there were no parents,  or one particularly loud meltdown in a boutique (where she shopped all the time so I'm sure this one was a special moment for her) when she would not buy me this really short dress to wear to homecoming, and I told her I would "never speak to you again if you do not buy me this dress!!" and to which she replied, "Good! It means not having to listen to this hormonal nonsense! Do you want a life speech right here, in public??" That shut me up.

Why do parents these days think it is ok to dress their children like street-walkers?

How about you bloggies? Do you see these kinds of things and  think, "Is it just me?"

Wishing you frights and delights,

P.S. I would like to note that I chose some not-very-flattering moments from my teen hood to share here to highlight the tough choices parents sometimes have to make. On the whole, I was a good kid. I always made straight A's, mostly read books instead of going out (I just REALLY wanted to live it up when I was invited to a party because it didn't happen very often), and always always always came home well before curfew. See Mom? You were SO lucky with me. :)

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy Me...Lucky, Lucky, Lucky You

Hi Bloggies!
I'm a little lazy with the blog this morning, because I have been under the weather, and as such am a little behind on my editing for the Magazine. Sooooo, what that means is that today we are taking a photo tour of my life! Yay!
Not my whole life, mind you. There isn't enough space in the blogosphere for that. But, just a short little trip to introduce you to some of the most important peeps.
So, grab your snacks, keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and away we go!
This is Brian and Ryan in Chicago. Ryan is one of the groomsmen in our wedding! Ryan drove all the way from Indianapolis to stay with us for a night in the Windy City, and attempt to convince me to sleep on the cot so these two lovers could snuggle. Sorry, Ryan. No cigar.
This is my cousin, Zach. And me. In this pic we are at Scarlett O'Hara's, a cute little bar here in St. Augustine. Zach had just recently moved to the area, so we were enjoying a night of drinks and debauchery. I am six months older than Zach, and so obviously he listens to me and takes my advice without question. :/
This is the picture I took of Cloud Gate in Chicago. No real story other than I love this picture because it reminds me of the amazing day I took it on with my Brian. And also, because I love Chicago, it was always a dream of mine to take my very own classic picture of the structure.

This is my kittie, Wrigley. In this picture she is holding my back scratcher hostage. Wrigley is a little terrorist. She may be small, but she will cut a ho. Seriously, her back claws are like two inches longer than her nail beds.
Me and my Mommy. She is my best friend. An example of such is that she agreed with me after this picture that bangs were really not a good choice considering I had to straight iron them for an hour to get them to lay even this straight since my hair is so curly. And also, because when I went to get my hair cut the next time and had them do upkeep trim on said bangs, she said not word one.

My doggie, Holly! Holly needs exclamation points because she is the happ, happ, happiest dog in town! She weighs 100 lbs, and thinks she weighs 5lbs. She is my lap dog.
This is my other kittie, Max. Maxwell Sheffield. He is a little ball of energy, and is the only one who can jump on Wrigley whilst she is getting her beauty rest, and not get ripped to shreds. I feel he takes advantage of this. He also jumps onto my desk pretty often to help me work.
Me and Brian. That is all.
Ryan, Brian and Myself. After a few drinks, with your eyes closed BRIAN.
My bestie, Kristin. With her giant drink in celebration of me FINALLY graduating college.  She is one of my bridesmaids. :)
Me and Brian at the same celebration dinner.
Me, Zach, Josh, Brandon. My loves! These are my three cousins on my Mom's side. This is the day of Zach's high school graduation. High School! Look at my tan slimness, not to be seen again until this year because I was sure as hell not walking down the aisle to anything less than a starved version of myself. But I digress...
This is one of my favorite pictures of all time. It is of my Aunt Beth (Hi Aunt Beth!), my Aunt Debbie, me and my Grandma Donna. Three of the funniest ladies I know. When we are together, the laughs are endless. I am so excited to have dinner with all of them the Saturday before my wedding! Also, I love that Aunt Beth and Grandma are wearing matching shirts, and that they did not plan that.
Me and Kristin signing up for our sky diving adventure! We decided to go together for our 25th birthdays. Brian is taking the picture and laughing uncontrollably. Apparently the possibility of me plummeting to my death amused him. There is a video somewhere of me jumping out of the tin can that was our plane ahead of Kristin, and you can barely hear her in the background shouting, "Shana, I love yoouuuuuuuuuuuu!" I think it's sweet that she considered we both might die, or maybe just me, and wanted our last moments to be filled with love.

That is all for now. Just a short glimpse into my world. I'm sure over our lifetime together, there will be many pictures to share and many stories to tell.
What are some of your stories, bloggies? Any pictures you want to share?
Safely on the ground,

Monday, October 29, 2012

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year...Unless You're A Hater

Happy Monday Bloggies!

I hope you all had fabulous weekends! Here in Florida, it is just starting to get coldish outside, and so I may seem more perky than usual because like my dog, Holly, I get all kinds of tail-wagging excited when it drops below 70 degrees(which, to all of you northerners, is a HUGE deal here in the Sunshine State).

So, I wanted to share with you all the struggle I go through every year around this time regarding Christmas, and the holidays in general. You see, I am Jewish. I wasn't raised in a strictly Jewish household, and we celebrated Christmas every year because my Mom is Christian and my Dad is Jewish. But I myself am a Jew, it's what I have always identified with and it's the religion I practice. To me, being a Jew is as natural as having my unruly, curly hair that I lovingly blame my Aunt Beth for (Hi Aunt Beth!). I could not imagine myself without it.

But, I love Christmas.

There, I said it. I love Christmas. And by Christmas, I guess I should clarify to say that I love the music and the snowflakes and the smell of Balsam trees. The magical idea of elves and a north pole and presents that come wrapped in glittering paper with huge bows. So, it really is the non-religious part of the holiday that I love. I don't go to Church or celebrate Baby Jesus' Birthday, although I totally respect that others in my family do and I think that's wonderful.

I myself light our Menorah every year, and Brian and I say the Baruch together and lovingly watch as the wax melts each night, reminding us of the miracles of perseverance, belief in the impossible, and the wondrous lights of Hanukkah. Since we live so far away from the rest of our own tribe, it is just the two of us each year, but that's enough for now, and eventually we will have our own little clan to light the candles with.

But I also jump out of bed the day after Thanksgiving like a little elf myself and immediately start putting up the tinsel and dusting off the Christmas village I am collecting every year, hanging the wreath on the door and fastening the shining snowflakes to the eaves of our china cabinet (so my kitties don't eat them), and then going out and picking the perfect tree (we are getting one this year BRIAN) to bring home and drape with the ornaments given to me by my Mother, and her Mother before her, and her Mother before her.

**Side note, Brian doesn't have a problem with the tree itself, but we live in a second story condo, and guess who has to drag the 100lb monster I picked up the stairs. :)

So, what is the struggle, you ask? The struggle is that I always get people who want to rain on my proverbial Christmas parade. They say I can't have Christmas because I am a Jew. "It's not right" they say.

Well, to those people, I say, "Haters gonna hate."

Don't hate on my amazing holiday display! Just because my Christmas village has frighteningly realistic snow-covered trees and real street lights that twinkle and I put little incense cones in my houses so that smoke comes out the chimney doesn't mean you have to be all bitter about it and give me crap. I put on my Michael Buble Christmas songs CD and light my Balsam candles and get my holiday on like no one's business!

And in the words of Kat Williams, "Don't say my hair isn't luxurious when you know it is, bitch."

Instead, my hair is my tree, and it's magnificent rather than luxurious. Well, the tree can be rather luxurious. Aren't you my beautiful fur??

But, is it just me? Why do people have to hate on how others choose to celebrate the holidays? I'm not asking these people over to partake of my AMAZING cranberry stuffing or enjoy my DELICIOUS baked brie with real fruit preserves and homemade sesame crisps. I'm also not asking them to come see my beautiful Menorah collection or my super cute Hanukkah cutting board for delightful bites of yummy-ness.So, what do they care?

How about you, bloggies? Do you have traditions that other people don't understand or try to tell you are wrong?

Either way, you get out there and be the little holiday elves I know you can be! 

This is a pic of my holiday ducks that my Grandmother gave me. They were hers, and I had wanted them for years. Now they are mine, all mine.

Much Love,

Friday, October 26, 2012

How I came to be the luckiest girl in the world

Hi Bloggies!

Just a quick post to show you something. I talk about Brian a lot on this blog, and so because I am a visual person, I wanted you all to have an idea of what he looks like, so that way when I describe all the crap I put him through, you know what the poor guy looks like.

So here he is:

Isn't he awesome??!!
This is from our trip to Chicago earlier this year. We had just gotten there after waking up at 3am to catch a 6am flight outta Jax. I was very sleepy, but so excited!! We were in the lobby of the hotel, and Brian grabbed me for a picture to capture the moment of our first big trip together, and since he knows Chicago is my favorite city of all time, he was super excited to be a part of it. I was just thanking my lucky stars that the man next to me is mine and that he loves me so much he bought us a 6-night trip for no other reason than to eat lots of good food and explore the Windy City.
I love you my Brian!

Foodie Fridays!

Happy Friday Bloggies!

I have decided that since Fridays are such happy, happy days we will not concern ourselves with the foolishness of others. Instead, we will discuss food! So, what I have planned is that each Friday I will tell you about one amazing place I ate, and recommend something to eat there, and then also share one of my recipes from my in-progress cookbook.

And once this blog picks up speed, I will be happy to share your recipes also!

Sound good? Good. I knew you would agree with me. :)


Sunset Grill
Saint Augustine Beach, Florida

What to get: A1A Steakhouse Burger & Pumpkin Swirl Cheesecake(only available in Fall)

- The Sunset grill has been on A1A for 22 years. They know their stuff. Owned by two New Yorkers who ran a bar and decided it couldn't be too hard to run a restaurant also, it is one of the lucky places in Saint Augustine to have homemade desserts. And the burgers...oh, the burgers. Perfectly cooked and with really interesting toppings like homemade steak sauce and Vidalia onion relish. Yum! But their real focus is seafood. It's local, it's fresh, it's delish. Go check them out!


Italian Sausage Bake

What you need:

1 16oz box or 1 lb fresh rigatoni
1 jar favorite pasta sauce(Mario Batali's is soooooooo goooooood)
16 oz fresh mozzarella cheese
1.5 lbs Italian Sausage (Hot, Mild, Sweet, it's up to you)*
3 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp butter

Preheat oven to 350. I like to use a really deep 9x9 baking dish for this, but you can use 9x13. Coat the inside with butter or spray heavily with cooking spray(it keeps the sauce and cheese from ruining it).

In a large skillet, brown the sausage, and remove from the heat. If you use links, let them cool slightly, and cut them into bite size pieces.

In a large pot, boil 4 quarts water and add some olive oil and salt. Pour in pasta and cook according to box directions. If you use fresh, it should only cook for a few minutes, or just until it is softened, but has a little bite left. You don't want the pasta cooked completely because it is going to cook more in the oven.

When the pasta is done, drain it and put back in the pot. Pour in sauce and sausage, mix together. Add a little more sauce if it looks too dry. You should be able to see just a little extra around the noodles.

Grate or slice the cheese.

Pour one half of the pasta mix into the baking pan. Layer on half of the cheese. Pour the rest of the pasta mix on top and then top with the remaining cheese. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the cheese on top start to bubble and brown.


Bloggies, if you have a favorite restaurant you want on here, or a particular kind of recipe you want to see, let me know and I will post about it!

Happy Weekends,

* I like to use the links, and then cut them up after cooking, but you can use any kind you want.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

License and Registration Please

Hola Bloggies!

Calling all the engaged and married ladies! Even the ones who are no longer married but were at some point, because I think we ALL have something to add to this. Today's topic is something that, I'll be honest, I would never in all my wildest dreams of crystal kittens and cashmere mittens have guessed would be a bone of contention. But alas! Others' need to stick their noses where it does not belong never ceases to amaze and disturb me. So, with that, away we go...


Am I right??!!

Oh, well, I suppose I should have something to be right about.

Here's the thing, I have been engaged for almost two years now, and my wedding is very quickly approaching(Yes MOM, I know, sooner than we all think! So much to do! I promise I will get it done) and as such, people are really starting to get into the registries to purchase gifts, because like a good bride I did the following:

1. Included little cards in the invitations with where we are registered.
2. Included registry numbers in case some people had trouble, as someone inevitably does.
3. I made sure to registry for things in a very WIDE price range...I'm talking $3-$ that EVERYONE could find something. I would seriously be happy if someone got me even two of my coffee mugs that cost $4 each. Not even joking.

So, because we are now two weeks away and this is when people are buying their gifts, the comments have really started to come in, particularly about my choice of items. And it's really startin' to bug me.

Let me give you a small sampler:

"Why would you register for china? No one uses china anymore."
"Why do you need so many sets of sheets? One should be fine."
"Asking for 12 place settings is greedy."
"Who registers for candles?"

First of all, to these people, let me just say: Don't worry about it BRIAN.

No, I'm just kidding. Brian supports all of my registry choices because he knows they benefit him in the long run.

But really, these questions just get me all kinds of fired up, because it is shocking to me that anyone would openly question what someone else, whom they do not live with, is asking for as gifts. Honestly, what do you care if I want six sets of sheets? Maybe I have a compulsion to change my sheets daily! Now wouldn't that just be EXTRA shitty of you? To not only make me feel bad about my requests, but also to embarrass me about my disease? You disease mocker!

No, really, let's get serious people.

1. I registered for china because I am a LADY and I like to entertain. Also, I have a CHINA CABINET and like its name suggests, it is made to house CHINA. And besides that. I want it. Ok? I just want it. And P.S., people obviously do use china because if they did not, stores would not carry it because they would not be able to sell it, and therefore it would be wasted shelf space. And considering that EVERY store you can register with sells GD china, it's pretty damn obvious that people are using it. And not only that, they are very obviously using it in DROVES, because when I went to register, the pattern I picked out was on back order for three months. That is 90 days of people buying so much of that china that they literally could not keep up with production.

2. I like clean sheets! Right now, I have a few sets, but only one that I really love, and so I am forced to wash them every week, and they are starting to fall apart after two years of this. I'm sorry that you are a disgusting germy person who does not enjoy clean sheets. Remind me to never sleep in YOUR guest room. But if you ever do stay in my house, I can assure you that those sheets are clean, and probably NEW. You're welcome. Plus, it's a really neutral gift that almost anyone can get you and that is also not super expensive.  Plus, when, other than this occasion, is anyone besides my Mother going to buy me SHEETS? Hmm? "Oh, Shana, what would you like for your birthday this year?" "Sheets."  No, that is not even normal.

3. Oh, is it? Is it? Really, I thought it was thoughtful, because I love my guests, and do not want them feeling left out when the rest of the people at the table have beautiful china to eat off of and they have my regular dishes(which, don't get me wrong, are very pretty, but they are not platinum printed CHINA). I like to entertain, and I like to invite a lot of people over at once, and I have a large family, and I am looking forward to the day when the entire lot of them is over at my house eating merrily from my beautiful china whilst I look on with the eagle eye of shame if even one of them dares to break so much as a teacup. So, I am so very sorry if you hate my guests and want them to feel left out. I'll let them know that, right in the middle of dinner. And then point to you.

4. I register for candles. I like candles, a LOT. They make our house smell like a home, like apple pie and cinnamon and whatever the hell Harvest is supposed to smell like. It is slowly becoming obvious to me while I think about this that the person who asked me that must just hate fun. And things that smell good. Plus, candles can be pricey. And again, no one besides my Mom would buy me a candle as a gift. My Mom bought me TWO last holiday season because she understands that they make me happy. So, excuse me for asking for them. I thought this was MY registry, not YOURS. If you want to register for stinky, stingy items for your wedding, then you go right ahead!

And let me just point out here that these are people we invited to our wedding. People we agreed to pay un-Godly amounts of money to feed and get drunk and entertain. People whom we thought to be our close friends and family, who are now questioning our choices in household goods!

Shame, shame, shame on you.

What about you bloggies? Is anyone out there questioning your registry choices? Or did they in the past?

Let me know!

Much love,

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Games People Play

Wassup Bloggies?!

How are we this glorious fall morning? Or, as we like to call it in Florida, "Not the surface of the sun!" I feel like I should warn you now that this post is going to kinda be all over the map today. There's so much I want to share with you! But I don't want you to get lost, so I'll try and break it down into subsections. Or categories...or bullet points...something! there will be something to indicate new topics.

First, as indicated in the title, I want to tell you about a little game Brian and I play. And before you all get dirty on me, I mean in the office. Wait, that didn't sound right either...just follow me, ok? So, because Brian and I both work from home now, and because we are both in businesses where we mainly communicate through email and social media, and also mainly talk about OTHER people, whether through newsletters or articles or what-have-you, we are subject to some people giving us pushback.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Shana, who would dare EVER give Brian pushback?? He is obviously the nicest and most fair person ever and no one could ever disagree with him."

And I agree with YOU!! Brian is the most popular in this relationship. Both with me and others. But sometimes people do write to him to tell him their disappointment in something he has done. And this happened yesterday.

(And also, thanks for assuming people get upset with me constantly and also not even pretending to be shocked. Thanks.)

SO, long story longer, we play this game with emails people send us(and any communication really) in which they express some kind of anger or disappointment with us, where we ask eachother to give suggested responses because sometimes it can be hard to be objective when someone is attacking you.  Brian did so with one such email yesterday. He asked me to come take a look and let him know my thoughts. So, I did. I knew after the first line what he should say. Three little words with a whole lotta meaning...

"Haters gonna hate."


We then had this conversation:

Brian: AAHAHAAA!!... oh wait, you're serious?

Me: Yep. Yes I am. Because they're obviously hatein' on you.

Brian: Do you have anything else?

Me: You should add at the end, "Step the f*&$ off, yo!"

Brian: Go away, this is not helpful.

Me: Don't be hatein'!

Brian: ***stares at me*** No more Flo-Rida for you.

So, yeah. My suggestion was not taken THIS time. But I assure you, bloggies, they usually are when, you know, I act normal and say something more along the lines of, "Tell them to check THEIR facts!!" or, "You are the smartest man in the whole world!" or something like that.

TOPIC #2: (like how I did that? I didn't forget my promise)

So, as you know, I am getting married in just a few short weeks. This means that we have been getting tons of gifts delivered to the house! The only unfortunate part is when something really heavy is delivered, and we are not here, it is left on the doorstep and we have to bring it in ourselves. And if Brian is not home, that means I have to do it, annd those of you who know me know that my upper-body strength is non-existent. So, the other day, a package got dropped off, and Brian was just walking out the door as this happened, so I thought, "Perfect! He can bring it in and leave me to tear into it like a three-year-old on Christmas morning!"

But do you know what he did??? He looked down at it, looked at me, and said, "Oh good, a gift. Let me know what it is when I get back."


So, I asked very nicely(eyeroll) if he would carry it inside for me. Because I am a LADY and a delicate flower and also was just kinda cranky and wanted to stay inside the air-conditioned house.

But he said, "No, take it in yourself, I'm already downstairs and you're RIGHT there."

So, I shut the door. With the package still outside. I actually did intend to go get it. I just wanted to wait until he drove off, and (in my mind) felt guilty about not helping me.  I went to get some water and play with our cats and generally pass some time until I felt he was safely around the corner and would not catch me doing his bidding, and then I could tell him later that some very nice young gentleman was passing by and offerd to help me when he saw my horrible struggle of getting the box inside.

*** side note, there actually is this very adorable 12 year-old in our neighborhood who is so polite, and the other day, when he saw us, asked how our family brunch went. Kudos to his Mother!! Or Father!! Or whoever is raising such a nice young man.

So, anyways, before I could carry out my plan, I heard the door open back up, and there he was. My knight in shining armor carrying in the box. Yes, Brian came back in with our gift. He put it down on our bench by the door, turned and walked back out, without a word.

I love him so much. SO MUCH. He puts up with so much from me.

Topic #3:

I got some mysterious voicemail the other day from my wedding dress lady telling me I missed an appointment. I had NOT missed an appointment. I may forget to floss, or do my editing on articles until the last minute, or even eat, but I have not forgotten, not ONCE, anything having to do with my wedding. I have dreamed of this day since I was able to dream, and I am aware of every little detail, every appointment, every tasting, EVERYTHING.

Also, let's be honest. I would never forget to eat. I'm a Jewish woman. It will never happen.

So, I call back and no one in the shop could figure out what I was trying to tell them. Which to me is worrysome, especially considering all I was saying was, "Hi, someone in alterations just left me a voicemail saying I had missed an appointment today. Here is my last name, can you please confirm that my appointment is next Tuesday?" Is that confusing to any of you?

In the end, I got it all figured out, and everything is good, and my dress fits, etc. But it was so frustrating! I hate when people make things more complicated than it has to be. I got so many ridiculous questions from these people before anyone helped me in the slightest!

"You're dress doesn't fit?"
"You are picking up your dress today?"
"You want to make an appointment to buy a dress?"
"You are returning your dress?"

NO! I just want to confirm an appointment for a fitting, and make sure that I did not, in fact, miss one as you JUST left me a message saying I did. Literally, the woman I was speaking to was the one that left the voicemail! And I'm not saying that she doesn't have tons of people she calls every day, and tons of dresses and brides on file, but I gave her my account #, my last and first name(in that order bc that is how they look it up), my dress style #, my appointment time, everything. I could not have been more prepared for that phone call.


So, is it just me? Do you all experience peope sending you "hatein'" emails? Or does your significant other do things that sometimes baffle you? Whether in a pleasant or unpleasant way? Or have you recently experienced an encounter where you just could not be understood and felt like a foreigner in your own life?

Let me know bloggies!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

You Shut Your Trashy Mouth When You're Talking To Me!

Goodmorning Bloggies!!

So, Imma be honest witcha, I was seriously concerned regarding my ability to find something so soon that would make me ask, "Is it just me?" Because honestly, my life has been pretty awesome lately. This is because of Brian. Brian makes my life awesome. But anywhos, I was on facebook this a.m. as per usual to stalk my friends and family when BAM, it happened. Like, two minutes after I woke up.

I should have known that since the debate was last night that someone would not be able to control themselves and would have to get into some ridiculous fight over some political bullshit on facebook, of all places. It was also not surprising to me who the bullshit came from. But before we get into what went down, let me share with you my feelings on the facebook: I love facebook for a few reasons, but mainly because I have lots of friends that have moved away and it's the fastest way for me to see pics of their adorable kids, pets, homes, work, etc. and also know what is going on with them, like when they get a new job or new relationship, what have you. I do not like that people use facebook as a public place to air their political garbage. That's what the holidays with family are for. So, I tend to just ignore posts about our President, or Mittens, or anything having to do with healthcare(I get my notices from BCBS as it is regarding my non-existent medicare coverage...perhaps because I get so many tests done? another story people, another time).

But I could not ignore it this a.m., not once I saw this "friend" of mine call a woman a "trash mouth." Here's how this went down:
- First, this friend of mine posted her usual ramblings about the President and his "lies" and somehow that coordinated with his race, or something. Honestly, I might just copy the text of her post at the bottom so that you all can see it for yourselves, because I read it many times and couldn't figure out how race came into this logically, but whatevs.
-Then, and this is where things went really wrong, she said something about painting him white. PAINTING HIM WHITE. So, this other woman commented, and basically was just disagreeing about whether or not Obama lies, and then at the end asked the question, "Why should we paint him white?"
- My "friend" then accused tis woman of calling her a racist and said, "You're a trash mouth."

Is it just me, or is that a serious leap of logic spawned by the hatred some people have of anyone ever questioning their political "opinions" otherwise known, to them, as "the truth?" So, this woman who asked why we should paint Obama white responds by saying, basically, "I don't  think you're a racist, I have never accused you of being one, I was just participating in a friendly political debate with you, and asking why you said we should paint him white?" Nope, "friend" was not having it. She responded with "Whatever, you're a trash mouth."

Why would you post anything about the DEBATE and then get upset if someone wanted to DEBATE back? If you're posting about politics on your facebook, and commenting daily, I might add, on how stupid and selfish and horrible liberals are, how can you honestly expect that no one is EVER going to turn back and say, "Hey, I don't really agree, here is why, and let's discuss." And then get pissed and start name-calling like a child? Don't post about politics and dish it out if you can't take it in kind. When your beloved Mittens debates with Obama, he doesn't throw accusations and then run off the stage holding his ears closed and shouting, "I can't HEAR YOU!!!!" No, he stands there, albeit with that smug look on his face, and listens, like a gentleman. I don't even like the man, and I'll give him that.

Look, I love a good conversation on the state of the nation as much as the next girl, but I try to keep those conversations to the dinner table and long car rides with Brian when I am guaranteed a captive audience for my comments like, "Joe Biden reminds me of unflavored oatmeal." I'm not out there pushing my opinions on others and sending them daily reminders that they are the cause of this nation's problems. "VOTING FOR OBAMA WILL KILL ALL THE BABIES" and shit like that. No, I just sit quietly at my computer while Brian watches the debates or news and occassionaly throw out really important commentary, such as

"See honey? You CAN wear a blue stripe tie with a yellow shirt."


"Did that moderator just call Obama 'Obama Bin Laden'????"


"That Michelle is wearing the new crewl sweater from J. Crew I wanted!"

OR, my personal favorite,

"Brian, turn that down! I am trying to watch the premier of season 8 of Weeds!!"

Above is the link to the Wedding Crasher's line that is this post's namesake.

** Also, very sorry, but when I went back to copy the text of the original post from facebook, the owner had deleted it. :( Perhaps because she looked at it again and realized she was being a hypocritical nonsense slinger? Probably not. But we can hope.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Times, They Are-a-Changin'

Hi Bloggies!

Just a follow-up to what has changed in my life since I last blogged 4 years ago, I wanted to let you know what's new. Since some of you may have just started reading this, I used to work in a law firm in college and was single when this whole shtick started(try saying that five times fast!). Here's what's happenin' these days:

- I graduated from UNF with a degree in English, FINALLY. Or, as my Mother would say, "Shana, you can only pull off the whole 'I'm finding myself' thing for so long. Get your F#&%ing degree for the love of God."

- I became un-single. I broke up with the boyfriend I had, and met a new and better one. Way better. Like, probably better than I deserve. He is truly amazing. And now he is no longer my boyfriend, he is my fiance! My soon-to-be-hubby!

- I now work for a Magazine. I am their Events and Travel Editor, and I also do their restaurant articles. Yes, I get paid to eat. And travel. If that's not evidence that I have God's direct line, I don't know what is.

- So many more things that are too long and complicated to list. Long story short, I learned a hell of a lot about myself and my place in the world(turns out I am not the most important person EVER) over the last four years.

All will reveal itself in time. We got lots of time to get to know each other. Let's take this slow and see if we're a good fit. If we have chemistry. But I'm just gonna let ya know up front, I make a mean lasagna.

The Madala is Back!!

Hi All! And by all, I mean my Mom after I tell her I have started blogging again. I am back after a four year break. I know, four years is a long break. Let's just call it a hiatus.  I was on a hiatus. I took four years between the ages of 22 and 26 to grow up(a little bit), learn some, love some, and by some stroke of luck, watch almost every dream I have ever had come true before my very eyes. Before you all start asking, no I did not meet Brad Pitt, have him fall madly in love with me, and move to Greece to run a cheese farm. But I did fall madly in love with someone better. Yes, bloggies, I met the love of my life. And in three weeks, he is all MINE, for the REST OF HIS LIFE. That's right, I AM GETTING MARRIED!!

Among the other amazing things I did in the last four years, I met, fell in love with, and got engaged to the most amazing, funny, generous, kind, understanding, loving, and handsome man I have ever had the pleasure to know. Brian. He is my perfect match. The peanut butter to my jelly, the yin to my yang, the olive to my vodka. Well, I guess he could be the vodka because he hates olives. See! That's how much I love him. I am willing to change my metaphors for him!

So, why am I back you ask? I am here again because I was reading this AMAZING blog by this super funny girl named Lauren(read all about her here). Her blog is called Filing Jointly...Finally. And I love it. And as I was reading, I was thinking to myself, "Self, why have you not blogged? You love doing this also. You are funny. Go be funny with others!" So here I am to be funny with all of you, and share with you the day-to-day of the new life I am in.

I hope we can share good times and good stories. I have so many! To start you off, here is a picture from my bachelorette party this past weekend. This is the Australian guy we met that helped me cross some of the items off my to-do list that the girls gave me. He was a good sport considering he was innocently enjoying a cocktail at the bar when he was suddenly attackd by 6 very drunk girls.

And a thank you to all of my amazing bridesmaids, who are also my best friends. I love you all more than I can say. You are my support system and never judge me for my crazy and sometimes dramatic hijinks. I am honored that you have all agreed to stand with me as I marry Brian on what I hope will be the most beautiful and fun weekend we've ever had.

I will be back soon with many tales of the weird, the wacky, and the things that make me think, "Is it just me?"