Monday, September 24, 2007

Two Cartons Of Eggs and An Hour Later

I realize that I am not the most forgiving or even understanding person on earth, but I really don't think it's too much to ask that we as a society respect each other's time, or lack there of. I'm well aware that thousands of us have the luxury of not having to work because either a) we married into money(yay for you...seriously), b) we are supported by the government( no yay for you), or c) our parents died young and left us enough money to buy whatever we want for as long as we want without having to wonder what it must be like to have self respect. But what I'm not getting at 11:30 am on a Tuesday when I'm standing impatiently behind Soccer Mom USA, tapping my heel VERY loudly and wondering to myself what long term effect hair bleach has on one's ability to choose the right cereal for one's family, is what the hell is going through some one's mind when they stand in the middle of the aisle with an over sized cart, blocking every one's way. I'm guessing it's something along these lines: "Should I bother moving my cart? No, I don't think so. Why is that girl staring at me? Maybe she needs to get by. She can go around. I mean, why should I move?"

The answer to that question is this: One day, the person you're blocking won't be a nice girl who plans to go to law school and therefore can't harm you, lest she be banned from the ABA after being brought up on federal assault charges. It will be some other person who has somewhere to go and things to do, unlike yourself who has absolutely nowhere to be ever, who will not hesitate to physically move you out of their way.

I just don't understand the mentality behind preventing people from doing things in a timely manner. I'm not saying that everyone doesn't have the right to be in the grocery store, or the bank, or restaurants whenever they want to be. I'm just suggesting that as a manner of courtesy, unless you're old in which case you don't really have to follow the rules anymore because you've earned that right, please don't go to any of these places during the hours that those of us who have jobs are trying to utilize their services. If you've forgotten what these hours are from lack of being useful, or never having contributed at all, here's a schedule:

Hours Off Limits to Those Whose Sole Purpose is:

Getting Hair Done, Baby Making, Shopping, "Tooling":

7am-9:30am(These are the hours when those of us with jobs are driving to work and trying to get something to eat on the way, because God knows that we wouldn't dream of putting off getting Corporate America going in the morning, lest we rob the rest of you of something to NOT do.)

11am-1:30 pm(These are the hours that those of us with jobs are trying to get some lunch. You see, because we rush to work in the morning and have to sit through what feels like Dante's Inferno driving home at night, we have no time or energy to pack nutritious meals to take with us for lunch. But, if you should feel so inclined, and you happen to be one of the inconsiderate bastards who I know will be out at my favorite restaurant tomorrow, eating at my table on my lunch hour, you are more than welcome to bring me a salad on your way to the craft store.)

4:30pm-6:30pm(These are the hours when those of us with jobs are trying to get home to our families or televisions, both of which are equally important to us. I don't know what any of you could possibly be out doing at this hour. That's all I have to say about that.)

But, if any of you should happen to find yourselves out and about during these hours because maybe you just lost track of time, fear not, there are plenty of us willing and ready to tell you exactly where you should go.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, honey. If some stupid cow is blocking the entire aisle of the grocery with her cart and her gigantic overfed buttocks, just ram her cart with YOUR cart.

    Just make it look accidental... get set on a collision course and then start staring intently at the shelves, as you walk briskly along. The actual moment of impact will be a mild shock, if you aren't looking, so you don't even have to feign surprise.

    "OOPS! I had a really rough day at work and I'm in a hurry, so I wasn't paying attention. I am SO sorry! Here, just let me grab my *insert desired item here* and I'll get out of your way!"

    Works every time.