Wednesday, February 6, 2008

In The Event Of An Emergency, Please Contact Someone Who Cares

Ok, decided on a new format. From now on, unless I'm really harping on one topic, I will be providing you with my thoughts on various things that piss me off/make me laugh/confuse me more than chemistry(and that's pretty damn hard).

- I was standing in line at the bank today, all by myself, thinking about whether or not I should switch shampoos(as one does), when all of the sudden this guy comes in and gets in line behind me. Except, instead of standing at a comfortable, and might I add NORMAL, 2-3 feet away from me, he stood like 6 inches behind me. And stayed there. I have to say, in spite of him not doing anything weird or frightening, this really bothered me. I mean, he didn't smell offensive, or try and touch me, or have an obnoxious conversation on his cell phone, he just stood there quietly waiting for his turn. But why? Why, when there was about 8 feet worth of standing room, did he choose to stand RIGHT ON TOP OF ME? These are the kinds of things that really make me concerned about the metal health of the human race.

- A customer called the office today and asked to speak to a coworker that happened to be out of the office due to the death of a family member. When I told the customer that she was unavailable for the forseeable future, the person kept on and on, asking why she was out. Finally I told her that there had been a death in the family, just to shut her up, assuming that death would be sufficient reason for one to be out of the office. Do you know what the customer says to me? She says "Really?"What do you mean "Really?" No, not really. I just thought that it would be fun to tell you that someone had died. What kind of sicko would make something like that up, and what kind of idiot says "Really?" If you don't have a better response than "Really?", just don't say anything. Just hang up. It would make more sense than questioning the validity that someone did in fact die.

- It is now safe to say that I hate couples, who insist on making Valentine's Day the most importnant day ever, more this year than last year. And this year, I'm in a couple. I'm not saying that I hate the holiday, or what it stands for, or that I don't plan on celebrating it. I'm very happy to be celebrating Valentine's with my boyfriend. I'm sure it'll be special, and sweet and full of candy and cupid vomit which is presently covering the surface of every major grocery, drug, and department store. What I hate is people who shove the holiday down your throat. I was getting a pedicure the other day, and this girl that was sitting next tome starting chatting with me, which in itself should have told me that this was going nowhere good. I'm not an unfriendly person, I just don't feel the social obligation that most people do to fill silence between myself and a stranger with idle chit chat. But anyways, so this girl starts chatting with me, I think over my ring that I had on. Girls chat about those things. And now I remember how we got on the subject of V-day. She complimented my ring and asked if my boyfriend had given it to me. I told her no, that it was family heirloom, and left it at that. Well, she took that as an opening to start asking me what my plans were, what I was getting him, if I had any idea what he might be getting me, if I bought those "cute" little candy hearts, if we had a favorite restaurant that we would be visiting...on and on it went. I just told her that I really wasn't in to all the big fancy hearts and showy stuff on Valentine's Day, that I would be perfectly content to just "do whatever" with my boyfriend, and that I didn't know what I was getting him yet and I hadn't really thought about him getting me a gift. This girl looked at me like I had just proclaimed myself the next Mussolini and was planning a coup d'etat as we spoke. She asked "Oh, bad relationship?" First, what the hell is up with the totally inappropriate responses lately?? And second, why in the name of all that is holy would you ask a complete stranger that? I turned to her(because up until this point I just kept on reading my magazine hoping she would shut up. Obviously that was about as effective as trying to see snow by moving to Brazil) and said "No, we just have a great enough relationship that we don't have to tell each other how much it means by buying each other overpriced crap." I don't think her brain computed what I had just said. She went back to trying to decide on a polish color.

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