And Then They Got Married

Good Morning Bloggies!!

I know I have been lame the past two weeks with the posts. I got married, and then I got a cold, and so I was just too tired/cranky/busy drowning in my own germs to post anything remotely interesting or funny. I actually did draft a post yesterday to put up, but it was somewhat political, and mostly a rant, and so I am still debating on whether or not to put it up. Because honestly, it feels like a cheap shot. And I don't ever want to be cheap with you. Unless it's cheap champagne, because we all know how I feel about THAT. Sometimes you gotta go what you gotta do. Am I right??

But I digress...

I got married! On November 11, 2012, I married the love of my life, Brian. And it was magical, and beautiful, and everything we hoped it would be. Our family and friends travelled from near and far to join us and celebrate and drink their weight in cocktails. Well, the goyim did. The Jews stuffed themselves with tea sandwiches and salmon. A fun time was had by all.

Seriously, people told us it was one of the best weddings they had ever been to. For various reasons, I'm sure.

For instance, I'm pretty sure the reason my bridesmaids thought it was the best wedding ever is because they spent their spare time dancing in cages with the groomsmen at a dance club, and then sipping cocktails at a speak easy where they had to have a secret password to get in, and then taking pictures of our vet lying shirtless on a table at a near-by bar. True stories.

But probably not the same as my Grandparents who loved it because it reminded them of when they got married, or the food was really good, or the endless dancing by a certain gentleman who shall remain nameless...HANK.

So yeah. It was a mixed bag. I will do a post with a blow-by-blow of what happened when, and who said what, but I am waiting on my wedding pics to come in so I can show you evidence of the craziness. And I need visual reminders so I don't mess up the timeline of events.

But in the meantime, let me share with you one of our unintentional family traditions for Thanksgiving. It cracks me up every year, and more so now that I have hosted the holiday myself and so can appreciate the insanity of it all:

Every year, without fail, something happens to the women in this family where the memory function of our brains shuts off when we step in the grocery store. I swear, no matter how many list we make, no matter how many phone calls we get(oh, the phone calls), we are going to forget something at the store EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. right up until the very last hour Publix is open on Wednesday night.

And let me just say, we are a very organized group. We usually never forget. But this time of year, here is a sampling of some of texts and calls we all share due to this problem:

Monday
Me to Mom(call): I forgot cranberry sauce. Whole or jellied?

Mom: Oh, no biggie. Just get both.
____

Nan to me(call): Are you getting the pies? I forgot the ice cream at the store today. Just get some while you are at Sam's. Also, do you have sugar?

Me: Yep, got it. I'll get two pies, and the ice cream.
____

Tuesday
Mom to me(call): Did you get cranberry sauce?

Me: DAMN! No. Going now. Anything else?

Mom: Pie?

Me: Shit! Did you get nutmeg?

Mom: I have nutmeg.

Me: go check.

Mom: I'm putting it on my list.
____

Me to Nan(call): I have the ice cream. What pies did you get?

Nan: You're getting the pies!

Me: What are you bringing?

Nan: Appetizers, and stuffing.

Me: Then why did I buy 10 lbs of cheese??
____

Mom to me(text): I got the ginger. Did you get cranberry sauce.

Me: Ginger? I thought it was nutmeg. They are out of cranberry sauce, going to a different store.

Mom: Got cinnamon.

Me: Ginger???

Mom: I now have every spice they sell.

Me: Awesome. Did you know Nan was bringing apps? I have extra cheese.

Mom: What about the pies?

Me: 10-4. Do you have the carrots?

Mom: Parsnips??

Me: Carrots?

Mom: Parsnips. And potatoes.

Me: Is this code for you're not making carrots?

Mom: I have iced tea.

Me: Carrots????? I'm telling Nan on you.
____
Wednesday

Mom to me(text): Did you get pie and cranberry sauce?

Me: Did you get carrots?

Mom: Get the damn sauce and pie.

Me: Some body's in trouble.

Mom: PIE????

Me: Yes ma'am.
____

Nan to Mom(call): I have cheese, stuffing, and rolls.

Mom: I got the parsnips, mac and cheese, and broccoli casserole.

Nan: Parsnips? What about carrots?

Mom: Shana forgot the pie and cranberry sauce. I think you should call her.

Nan: There had better be carrots.


So yeah, it goes round and round. And every year, at about 6am, the phone calls start the day of the big event. Because there is only one grocery chain that stays open on the holiday, and none of us live close to one, but you better believe that the husbands are getting in the car that day for anything that was left off the list. But the thing is, we always end up having everything, and way too much of it. Like, an obnoxious amount of food for the number of people being fed. But hey, it's how we roll. Get it? Roll? Like, rolls for dinner? Ahhhhhh, moving on...

Brian has been a part of this for the past few years, but now that he's legally bound to my charming(cough cough) family, the fun really begins. :) JK. My family is awesome, we're just a little nuts around the holidays. It's a very stressful time, ya know.

What about you bloggies? Do you have any non-traditional traditions that you want to share? I want to hear them!

Very forgetfully yours,
Shana

The Post in which I Lie to You All

Jeeeeeeze Bloggies! I almost forgot about Foodie Fridays! I will not let you down. I am here for you with reviews and recipes. And I totally lied that I would not be posting, as evidenced by the fact that this is my second post today. "Hi, I'm just calling to say I won't be calling you." I need to get it together.

So, since I was in Savannah this past weekend getting hitched, these recipes will be filled with all kinds of southern goodness.

Restaurant: Vic's on the River
26 East Bay Street, Savannah, GA

What to get: Shrimp and Grits

OMG! This is where Brian and I got married, and let me just tell you: Everyone raved about the food. My Mom and I went up a few days early to enjoy the southern charm of Savannah, and we ate here every day. It's that good. Some other notable dishes include the Fried Chicken Live Sliders and the Crabcakes. And the Crawfish Beignets. And the Biscuits with orange marmalade. It's all good. Over the beautiful river, with exposed brick and white-washed ceilings and tons of wine selections, this place is a true winner.

The grits are creamy and delicious with cheddar cheese, and the shrimp come in this rosemary bbq sauce. Oh lord, so yummy. And they give you so much!! Bring a friend to share.


Recipe:

Momma Joanna's Mac & Cheese

This is my Mom's original recipe for Mac & Cheese. It is famous in our family. I hope it will be a hit in yours.

What you need:

1lb pasta (any kind you like, we use rotini)
8 oz Velveeta
8 oz shredded colby jack
8 oz shredded sharp cheddar
1 stick butter
1/2 - 1 cup whole milk or half and half
pinch salt

Boil pasta according to box directions. Drain well, and put back in pot over low heat. Add butter and a little milk(go slowly with the milk so it doesn't get too runny). Add half of all cheeses and stir slowly and carefully until they are almost all melted. Add a little more milk and the rest of the cheese. Stir until all melted, and add more milk as necessary. Cheese sauce should coat the pasta, but NOT be runny like soup. Serve immediately.

When you go to reheat, add a drop or two of milk so it doesn't get dry.

I hope you enjoy!!

Love,
Shana

Would You Like Fries With That?

When you wake up in the morning, is there a Fast Food rep sitting at your kitchen table, steaming bag of fat in hand?

When you go out for lunch with a friend, is the big red-haired clown himself standing beside you, ordering your lunch and shoving the artery blocking yumminess down your throat?

When you arrive home, do you find teams of marketing associates crowding your kitchen, dreaming up new ways to deep fry everything from pickles to cheesecake?

If you do, I suggest you lay off the LSD. It's not good for you, I don't care how pretty the colors are. But I'm guessing the answer is "No." To a certain degree, what we eat is up to one person, and one person alone. You. You decide when and what you eat. I know that unhealthy food is cheap and quick. I know that cooking is a pain in the ass. Believe me, I am well aware that cheese is by far the most delicious thing put on this earth. I would bathe in it if given the option. But that doesn't excuse the total lack of responsibility that most Americans are taking for their health. By now, I know that everyone has heard of the outlandish and absurd claims against a certain fast food chain, who is being sued for "making people fat". Let me just tell you now, this is the biggest bunch of horse poo I've ever heard IN MY LIFE! It's like a stoner suing his dealer for getting him high. Or a housewife suing her hairdresser for making her blond. There's just no case.

To these people, I'm sorry, LARD ASSES who are filing the claims, I ask you:

1. Did someone from the FFJ(Fast Food Joint) come up to you on the street, drag you into a dark alley, and threaten your life unless you agreed to eat their food three meals a day?All the while, shoving grease soaked fried down your throat?

2. Is the FFJ the only source of food in your town? Has your city boycotted grocery stores? Has the Mayor done away with produce, citing an irrational need to be healthy as the reason for the Fruit Holocaust?

3. Did you have some traumatic experience with health as a child? Did the ability to run, breathe normally, or fit into clothing that isn't made of Lycra or spandex scar you for life? Is the mere sound of an apple crunching or granola bar being chewed enough to send you over the edge?

Seriously. Do you see people doing their weekly shopping at MacDonald's? Is the yearly school health fair held at Burger King? Is Wendy's the answer to your veggie needs? NO! These places serve one kind of food. Fast food. It is not healthy. It is red meat, cheese, bread, fried potatoes, grease, more cheese, fat, cholesterol, calories galore. They are not your source for daily nutrition. Fast food should be eaten maybe once or twice a month, if that. The average diet should have 1,800 calories for women, 2,200 for men. Do you know how many calories are in a large order of fries alone? Upwards of 500. That's a little less than a third of your daily limit. We are not bears hibernating for the winter. We do not need to be eating all that we can eat, stuffing ourselves to the point of puking. There's always tomorrow and another meal. Fast Food will always be there. I understand cravings and munchies as well as the next person, but that is not an excuse for being a hog and then blaming someone else.

If you're going to be fat and unhealthy, at least own up to it. Don't blame other people for your lack of self control. Really, not only is it sad to watch you in court, in your stretch pants, it's just downright infuriating to those of us who actually take care of ourselves.

I was overweight in High School. I loved junk food. I still do. I would eat cheese fries, chocolate cake, and burgers everyday if I could. I would drink ranch dressing if they gave me a straw. But I don't. Not because it's not available to me, but because IT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME.

I do, however, have this vodka that seems to be making me drunk. Think I have a case?