Tuesday, November 20, 2012

And Then They Got Married

Good Morning Bloggies!!

I know I have been lame the past two weeks with the posts. I got married, and then I got a cold, and so I was just too tired/cranky/busy drowning in my own germs to post anything remotely interesting or funny. I actually did draft a post yesterday to put up, but it was somewhat political, and mostly a rant, and so I am still debating on whether or not to put it up. Because honestly, it feels like a cheap shot. And I don't ever want to be cheap with you. Unless it's cheap champagne, because we all know how I feel about THAT. Sometimes you gotta go what you gotta do. Am I right??

But I digress...

I got married! On November 11, 2012, I married the love of my life, Brian. And it was magical, and beautiful, and everything we hoped it would be. Our family and friends travelled from near and far to join us and celebrate and drink their weight in cocktails. Well, the goyim did. The Jews stuffed themselves with tea sandwiches and salmon. A fun time was had by all.

Seriously, people told us it was one of the best weddings they had ever been to. For various reasons, I'm sure.

For instance, I'm pretty sure the reason my bridesmaids thought it was the best wedding ever is because they spent their spare time dancing in cages with the groomsmen at a dance club, and then sipping cocktails at a speak easy where they had to have a secret password to get in, and then taking pictures of our vet lying shirtless on a table at a near-by bar. True stories.

But probably not the same as my Grandparents who loved it because it reminded them of when they got married, or the food was really good, or the endless dancing by a certain gentleman who shall remain nameless...HANK.

So yeah. It was a mixed bag. I will do a post with a blow-by-blow of what happened when, and who said what, but I am waiting on my wedding pics to come in so I can show you evidence of the craziness. And I need visual reminders so I don't mess up the timeline of events.

But in the meantime, let me share with you one of our unintentional family traditions for Thanksgiving. It cracks me up every year, and more so now that I have hosted the holiday myself and so can appreciate the insanity of it all:

Every year, without fail, something happens to the women in this family where the memory function of our brains shuts off when we step in the grocery store. I swear, no matter how many list we make, no matter how many phone calls we get(oh, the phone calls), we are going to forget something at the store EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. right up until the very last hour Publix is open on Wednesday night.

And let me just say, we are a very organized group. We usually never forget. But this time of year, here is a sampling of some of texts and calls we all share due to this problem:

Me to Mom(call): I forgot cranberry sauce. Whole or jellied?

Mom: Oh, no biggie. Just get both.

Nan to me(call): Are you getting the pies? I forgot the ice cream at the store today. Just get some while you are at Sam's. Also, do you have sugar?

Me: Yep, got it. I'll get two pies, and the ice cream.

Mom to me(call): Did you get cranberry sauce?

Me: DAMN! No. Going now. Anything else?

Mom: Pie?

Me: Shit! Did you get nutmeg?

Mom: I have nutmeg.

Me: go check.

Mom: I'm putting it on my list.

Me to Nan(call): I have the ice cream. What pies did you get?

Nan: You're getting the pies!

Me: What are you bringing?

Nan: Appetizers, and stuffing.

Me: Then why did I buy 10 lbs of cheese??

Mom to me(text): I got the ginger. Did you get cranberry sauce.

Me: Ginger? I thought it was nutmeg. They are out of cranberry sauce, going to a different store.

Mom: Got cinnamon.

Me: Ginger???

Mom: I now have every spice they sell.

Me: Awesome. Did you know Nan was bringing apps? I have extra cheese.

Mom: What about the pies?

Me: 10-4. Do you have the carrots?

Mom: Parsnips??

Me: Carrots?

Mom: Parsnips. And potatoes.

Me: Is this code for you're not making carrots?

Mom: I have iced tea.

Me: Carrots????? I'm telling Nan on you.

Mom to me(text): Did you get pie and cranberry sauce?

Me: Did you get carrots?

Mom: Get the damn sauce and pie.

Me: Some body's in trouble.

Mom: PIE????

Me: Yes ma'am.

Nan to Mom(call): I have cheese, stuffing, and rolls.

Mom: I got the parsnips, mac and cheese, and broccoli casserole.

Nan: Parsnips? What about carrots?

Mom: Shana forgot the pie and cranberry sauce. I think you should call her.

Nan: There had better be carrots.

So yeah, it goes round and round. And every year, at about 6am, the phone calls start the day of the big event. Because there is only one grocery chain that stays open on the holiday, and none of us live close to one, but you better believe that the husbands are getting in the car that day for anything that was left off the list. But the thing is, we always end up having everything, and way too much of it. Like, an obnoxious amount of food for the number of people being fed. But hey, it's how we roll. Get it? Roll? Like, rolls for dinner? Ahhhhhh, moving on...

Brian has been a part of this for the past few years, but now that he's legally bound to my charming(cough cough) family, the fun really begins. :) JK. My family is awesome, we're just a little nuts around the holidays. It's a very stressful time, ya know.

What about you bloggies? Do you have any non-traditional traditions that you want to share? I want to hear them!

Very forgetfully yours,

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